The Parts That Protect Us
Our souls live within an incredibly intelligent system. A system that has evolved to self-protect and is designed to self-heal. Our survival has an in-built mechanism that draws on material and immaterial faculties to ensure that we remain alive and functional in our day to day lives.
When trauma interrupts the natural development or progression of our system, our psyche steps in with one of its most precise tools of self-protection. When our circumstances are too difficult to confront, process, or make sense of, parts of our self become fragmented.
Although our behaviour, moods, and life direction may be altered by traumatic experiences, our inner world copes by separating parts of ourselves. These parts have their own feelings, beliefs, and intentions but together they are working towards the same goal – protection and survival.
Over time, parts of ourselves may develop to have conflicting needs causing inner disturbance, confusion, and difficulty making decisions. The antidote to this inner suffering is learning to work with the psyche and integrate fragmented parts into the core self. Frameworks such as inner child work, self-parenting, inner bonding, internal family systems, or shadow work, all become useful in integrating fragmented parts of ourselves.
Although parts of ourselves may not agree with each other, it is helpful to recognise that all parts are on the same side, our side. We may have parts of ourselves that are overly controlling or demanding attempting to meet a need for security. Or other parts that are avoidant and aloof attempting to meet a need for comfort. Different parts within us can be in the drivers’ seat of our life at different times without us knowing it. They can be making decisions for us based on the needs they are trying to meet without regard for present day circumstances.
Working with the psyche to identify parts of ourselves that are trying to manage our life or protect us from harm, is a valuable pathway to self-love, self-acceptance and agency. By embracing all aspects of ourselves, even the parts that we have judged, dismissed, ignored, or devalued, we come closer to an experience of wholeness and authenticity.
With the right support and perspective, we can make conscious choices about which parts play which role within us. A neglected child can be given a comforting space, a rebellious teenager can be given a mode of expression, or a directionless young adult can be given permission to explore. All of this can happen within the psyche as we mature to be the protector of our parts and make decisions that benefit our whole selves.
All parts of ourselves are valid. All of them have a story, a purpose, and a need that’s trying to be met. As we get to know ourselves in this intimate way, we learn how to meet our own needs and how to communicate about them with those close to us. Understanding ourselves through the parts that protect us cultivates self-compassion which acts as a balm for the soul in what might otherwise be a rugged inner terrain.
