Years of adaptation leads to a survival identity. Behaviours that were once unconsciously adopted to keep us alive, become who we think we are and how we need to be. We might become defensive or feel misunderstood if anyone criticises this behaviour because we are convinced that this is who we really are.
One of the barriers to harnessing a willingness to heal and change is confronting uncertainty and leaping into the unknown. If we are to know anything beyond our survival identities, we must become willing to lay down the armour in the right spaces with the right support. We must be willing to acknowledge that our identity isn’t fixed and if we’ve experienced trauma, then we’re likely to be living from an adapted version of ourselves.
The armour that forms through the experience of trauma is derived from an intelligent survival system. Armoured by the parts that protect us, we can navigate the world and stay alive. Whether we become the strong one, the over-achiever, the caretaker, the peacemaker, the highly self-sufficient, or a combination of them or something else, we are living from our survival identity.
Although this version of ourselves helps us to survive, there may come a time when we recognise the need and possibility to put down the armour and begin to heal. The parts of us that help us survive deserve the glory of a warrior on the battlefield. If we approach them with curiosity and a desire to understand them, we strengthen the relationship we have with ourselves. From a survival identity we cope, from peeling away that version of ourselves, we learn to thrive from a place of wholeness.
There is a lot of emotional information that lives behind the armour we carry, beneath our likes and dislikes, beyond our human form. The information available to us when we put down our armour becomes our guide to healing. The anger, resentment, grief, despair, loneliness, or longing must be recognised and felt to be released. From this place, we can take a step closer to who we really are.
The process of deidentification with a survival self isn’t often pleasant. We may feel disarmed, exposed, and vulnerable. However, through this phase of uncertainty, we make space for our authentic selves to emerge. We get to know our thought patterns and behaviours and gain the freedom to choose our authentic expression over a survival pattern. We come to experience that the place of fear that has governed our lives, was simply a doorway to experience the one that lives beyond body and mind.
