Alone or Lonely

We come into this world alone and we certainly leave alone but our whole journey while alive on earth is one of connection. From literally being connected to our mother in her womb, to depending on caregivers as we grow, to the interdependence of human society.

The experience of perceiving aloneness is normal. As young children, we grow to perceive ourselves as separate from our caregivers while discovering an independent body-mind reality.  We can think, speak, and act independently from those around us. We can be in the physical company of others or alone in our own company. Being alone is something that we can work with and make decisions about, it’s something we can negotiate within ourselves, or change in the outer experience or environment we’re in.  Do we wish for, or need, solitude or company?

However, there is an important distinction to be made about being alone or lonely because they are worlds apart in experience. Loneliness carries an emotional charge that colours our perception and creates more than a sense of separation. Loneliness is disconnection due to an absence of something we deeply long for. It is an experience of not having the kind of connection we desire - with ourselves, others, or creation. Loneliness is often tied to limiting beliefs and devoid of meaning and purpose. Life itself can start to lose value.

The state of being lonely calls for tenderness and connection. The kind of connection where we feel met in our depth, seen in our being, and continually accepted for who we are. In a world full of unrealistic expectations and standards, conditioning and programming, it can be hard to find those who truly see us for who we are. There is hope in knowing that loneliness isn’t something to cure or fix, it is a signal that a need for connection is being unmet. And this can change.

What can we do about it?

We can recognise that aloneness is a reality in this world, and the desire for connection is natural. We can allow loneliness to be there without making it part of our identity. A healthy relationship with self consists of comfort in solitude and engagement with others. We can spend time with ourselves and take risks by connecting with those with whom we feel safe. Safe to be ourselves and express ourselves, without having to change, silence, or edit anything about us.

The stories that reinforce loneliness are far from the truth. If we can question our own thoughts of being undesirable, unwanted, and terminally unique, we can open a pathway of recognition towards those who do reflect our hidden parts. In doing so, we grow in acceptance of ourselves, others, and find a place of belonging amongst it all.