Reaching Out
In a literal or physical sense of reaching out, one extends a hand towards something they want.
Simple. If you want it, go get it.
Put your hand out, retrieve it.
When it comes to interpersonal stress or trauma, distress patterns, and healing, it isn’t always that simple. There is no right or wrong process of reaching out and finding support – the only requirement for inner progress is truth telling.
We may land in the right place, or it may take some time to find the right person.
Without unpacking too much of the social conditioning that stigmatises mental or emotional distress, there are different factors that influence whether we think we can or need to reach out. Picking up the phone and messaging someone we think might help and not knowing what to say is a whole other thing too.
Maybe something happened to us as a child or teenager and we can pinpoint an event or dynamic that impacts our life today but we’ve never talked about it with anyone. Maybe we can’t quite recall something specific but are struggling to keep up with life as an adult yet no one is taking our concerns seriously. Maybe we thought we’d be somewhere we’re not, or someone we’re not and can’t make sense of how we ended up where we are.
When I started to feel like my patterns were controlling my life and causing harm, I tried to reach out to family and friends and found my problems minimised. I didn’t quite have the energy or words to explain, I couldn’t keep up by masking anymore, and I thought I needed to figure things out alone. At that point, I convinced myself no one would understand and started avoiding all social contact instead.
Long story short, the best thing I ever did for my recovery was reach out to a stranger about one of the most personal and pervasive distress patterns I was stuck in.
I had reached a dead end. Reaching out was the beginning of my journey towards growth and wellbeing, a journey I couldn’t have imagined from where I was standing, I could only experience it over time.
The mere act of reaching out for help is a sign of our willingness to try something different, maybe what we have been doing isn’t working anymore or maybe we just feel that something is missing and needs to change. The glory of reaching out is quiet and subtle. It builds over time. When someone understands us and knows how to help us address our own issues, we win before the game even begins.
For many, we need to reach a state of powerlessness to admit that we need help. There either needs to be some extreme and obvious sign of distress or we need to experience fear or loss at a depth that wakes us up.
When I realised that no one was going to save me from myself, that I had to take action and reach out for help, I drew closer to a sense of empowerment. Although I didn’t realise it or feel it viscerally at the time, something was already starting to change. I was taking a bold act of self-care and self-love – one that was raw, vulnerable, and embodied a leap of faith.
Even though I didn’t think I deserved it, I did. Even though I didn’t think anyone could help, they did. Even though I thought I’d have to hide things, I didn’t. Even though I was sceptical, it worked. Someone believed me and helped me help myself.
A proactive and preventative approach to our own wellbeing is always in our hands.
It doesn’t have to get really bad before we do something about it - we just need to be honest with ourselves, open to possibilities, and willing to do the work. The rest seems to fall into place over time.
-Written by Abha Dod
-Reviewed by Annette Culpan
