Choosing The Right Support
Not everyone will understand.
Not everyone will know how to help.
But someone will.
In the realm of recovery and healing, the right support is fundamental.
The wrong support can leave us feeling more overwhelmed, confused, and isolated. The right support can open a pathway to unpack what works for us and how we can move towards better health.
People can have the best of intentions, can love and care for us, and still be unable to relate to our innermost depth and darkness. There is no fault in this, it simply is a fact. We can feel unseen, unheard and alone in our experiences of life being around loved ones - one of the more perplexing aspects of human relationships to me. Often it is in those closest relationships, that our wounds show up.
Often those who have been through their own journey of healing, and are actively working on themselves, can bring out the best in others.
The truth is that there are people working in health and wellbeing spaces who have not and are not doing this. Thus, choosing support must be intentional and purposeful or it can lead to more harm than good. Asking people if they see someone to support themselves is usually a good indication.
If we just need a starting point – someone to answer questions and point us in the right direction – it might not matter too much if we relate. If we are looking for someone to work with over time, to uncover deep and personal issues, to learn to trust and be vulnerable with, then choosing carefully matters. Safety comes first.
I have explored different support structures over many years to overcome interpersonal trauma – people, professionals, systems, spaces, modalities – and I have received something useful from all of them. However, the way that I determine where to stay and who to work with, is a felt sense in my body – a quiet yes or no. Sometimes a sigh of relief, genuine rapport, or a sense of ease.
Along with seeking out the right specialised support, I learnt over time, through trial and error, who I can share what with.
Some people know I’m on a journey and are quiet spectators, some know more details about what’s going on for me, and others are right there with me as they recover themselves. My best allies and active supporters – personal or professional - have lived experience and continue to overcome hardships in their own lives.
Spaces and communities that support my recovery have been dictated by how I feel before, during, and after experiences. Generally speaking, spaces that have been gentle, inclusive, specialising in a specific thing, and not-so-serious, have worked well for me.
Everyone has different needs and preferences determined by history, culture, life experiences, and nervous systems. Getting to know ourselves and being open to walk into recovery spaces, and walk out if necessary, is the key to finding and choosing the right support.
-Written by Abha Dod
-Reviewed by Annette Culpan
