It’s Not That Bad
Trauma is complex and lives in many different layers of our psyche and being. The impact of what happens to us lives in our nervous systems, our bodies, our minds, hearts, and relationships. Most intimately, it affects the relationship we have with ourselves and what arises within us.
The default thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that keep us going or help us push through traumatic events begin as adaptive responses designed to keep us alive. Over time, without the right support to process the impact of these events, survival mechanisms morph into maladaptive strategies or distorted perceptions.
By minimising the impact of what happened to us, we downplay the wounds we carry. Initially, this protective strategy serves us. We receive space from the intensity of emotion, and reality of the pain we’ve experienced. We can soothe the sensations of rejection, neglect, abandonment, or abuse by psychologically minimising the truth. We can maintain a sense of control and stay connected to people or places that we’re not ready to question.
In the long run, the strategy of minimisation causes more harm than good. It protects our identities but keeps us stuck in cycles of pain and relief, self-harm, or internalised abuse. The courage of truth telling is needed to free ourselves from the psychic impressions of trauma and the impact of indefinite minimisation.
The complexity of trauma is that facing this truth often requires moving through the process of acknowledging that people who loved us may have deeply hurt us or societies we’ve lived in may have intergenerationally oppressed us. To integrate our experiences, we have to learn the skills required to hold these opposing truths.
The power of truth telling is not in exaggerating or maximising the impact of our own experiences, or in convincing ourselves or others of the harm caused. The power is in simply being present to what is and has been true for us.
When we stop minimising, we gain clarity. We gain perspective on our own experiences as we acknowledge what actually happened. We learn to validate how we feel, recognise needs and desires, and make choices aligned with our values. We can do all this without comparison or judgement.
The impact of trauma is the truth that lives within us long after what happened to us. It has a right to be seen and heard as it is. It doesn’t need to fit any criteria to be legitimised. It is the doorway to our own freedom if we choose to see it for what it is.
