Choosing The Right Support
Not everyone will understand.
Not everyone will know how to help.
But someone will.
In the realm of recovery and healing, the right support is fundamental.
The wrong support can leave us feeling more overwhelmed, confused, and isolated. The right support can open up a pathway to find what works for us.
Loved ones can have the best of intentions, care for us, and still be unable to support us through dark times. There is no fault in this, it is simply a fact. We can feel unseen, unheard and alone in the depth of our experiences even being around people who care for us. We all have strengths and limitations, and expectations are known to invite disappointment.
Choosing support must be intentional and purposeful or it can lead to more harm than good.
If we just need a starting point – someone to answer questions and point us in the right direction – it might not matter too much if we relate. If we are looking for someone to work with over time, to uncover deep and personal issues, to learn to trust and be vulnerable with, then choosing carefully matters.
Safety comes first.
I have explored different support structures over many years to overcome interpersonal trauma – people, professionals, systems, spaces, modalities – and I have received something useful from all of them. However, the way that I determine where to stay and who to work with, is a felt sense in my body – a quiet yes or no. Sometimes a sigh of relief, genuine rapport, or a sense of ease points me in the right direction.
Along with seeking out the right specialised support, I learnt over time, through trial and error, who I can share what with.
Some people know I’m on a journey of recovery and are quiet spectators, some know more details about what’s going on for me, and others are right there with me as they recover themselves. My best allies and active supporters – personal or professional - have lived experience and choose to face and overcome hardships in their own lives.
Spaces and communities that support my recovery have been dictated by how I feel before, during, and after experiences. Generally speaking, spaces that have been gentle, inclusive, specialising in a specific thing, and not-so-serious, have worked well for me.
Everyone has different needs and preferences determined by history, culture, life experiences, and nervous systems. Getting to know ourselves and being open to walk into recovery spaces, and walk out if necessary, is the key to finding and choosing the right support.
-Written by Abha Dod
-Reviewed by Annette Culpan
