Nothing to fix
How many of us can sit with the reality of human suffering as is?
How can we feel compassion or empathy and not want to act?
What does it mean to accept?
Stating that there’s nothing to fix does not mean passively giving up, ignoring problems, or staying stuck. It doesn’t mean that tips and tricks don’t work and shouldn’t be implemented. Making a case for acceptance is a nuanced look into our mindset and attitude when approaching someone else’s pain.
When we witness a friend or family member going through a hard time, we may want to fix things. We might have an urge to rescue them from their pain or find the missing piece they need to get well again. If we are experiencing such impulses, we may be falling into our own patterns of control.
When we don’t accept things as they are, we are fighting with the reality of a situation or circumstance. Non-acceptance is an internal never-ending argument, it’s a distorted perception trying to override the whole picture, it’s a futile struggle that takes energy without giving anything in return.
A sense of urgency and judgment-driven conclusions about someone else’s state of mind can cause harm. The need to fix assumes something is broken. An attitude of acceptance shifts our internal stance from ‘there’s something wrong’ to ‘something is asking for attention’.
When we accept the person or situation and acknowledge what is present, we make space for thoughts and feelings to arise and pass and become an anchor of honesty and wisdom. A new pathway forward emerges when we see clearly and remain realistic.
Too often, people in distress are struggling with non-acceptance of their own circumstances – no one actively chooses to mentally or emotionally suffer. It is easy to want to be someone we’re not or somewhere we’re not rather than accepting our reality and working with what we have.
As allies of people who are recovering from trauma, if we can accept their situation as it is and seek for nothing to be different, we inherently provide a strong psychological foundation for them to accept themselves and grow from within.
By cultivating an attitude and mindset of acceptance, we decrease the tension, pressure and activation that keeps the nervous system out of balance. We become mirrors of potential for them to see themselves as acceptable, valuable, worthy, and loveable.
What we resist, persists. What we allow, naturally shifts.
From acceptance, a different kind of change becomes possible.
Written by Abha Dod
Reviewed by Annette Culpan
